April 30, 2010

Sometimes I wonder what could-a been or get into the I-wish-I-was...
I wish I could be more elegant or more in style.
I wish I would have went to college and really took my talents where I'm sure they will never go with no time for college and no time for silly dreams.
I wonder what would my life have become if I didn't make those hard choices I made all those year ago... would I have meet my husband, been a mother, found true-real-this-is-what-people-search-eternities-for kinda LOVE.
Would I have been a mother?
I'd say no to this one. Not because I don't love being a mom, but because I didn't have that powerful love I mentioned before so I probably wouldn't of had any offspring from that not-really-love relationship. Doesn't seem fair to those non-existent babies. Anyway...
I wish I was a better friend, daughter, sister, wife, mother...
Sometimes I feel like I do just the bare bones of the work it takes to maintain those all to precious relationships.
I wish I had the courage to fail.
To leap off the edge knowing I might not make it to the other edge... and be OK with it, either way.
I wonder what I would have become in that past life that I left... more unhappy I'm sure.
What would I have done if the divine wisdom or fate or some magic didn't lead me to my love....
I can say for sure I would have never been truly loved or truly loved anyone.

I don't really know the reason for this post. Just getting a few thoughts out. It all seems so silly when you see it all on a screen staring back at you...
It all seems silly to think of what could have been when I have right now asking for more juice and giving me little kisses that end in a big loud MUAH!
It seems silly to think what I could be when I am loved for what I am.
When the man I love loves me for my perfectly imperfect manners, my loud inelegant rambles and my morning breathe
{well maybe not that last part.}

Sometimes everything seems silly that floats around in my head.

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